Chasing Shadows
by Insomniac Owl
Summary: [Niisan... Can I sleep with you?] Things change, there's no use in holding on. But if that's true, why did Itachi keep that letter for all those years?
1. Moonlight

Greetings.

This is a story.

Enjoy it.

Review it.

Learn from it proper or else.

A zero (0) indicates a scene shift or passage of time. Remeber this, for you shall have an exam.

0

Chapter One: Moonlight

It was the middle of the night, as it always was, when Itachi's door swung slowly open and a black-hared head poked through the opening.

"Nii-san?"

_Brother._

Wide black eye searched the darkness for the figure of his brother, and Sasuke's hands clutch the doorknob as he awaited Itachi's voice, as if doing so would keep him from being swallowed up by the inky black darkness like Itachi.

"What is it?"

Sasuke's tiny figure bolted across the shadow-strewn room to where he knew Itachi's bed was, and he quickly climbed in. He didn't lie down though, not wanting to create the impression that Itachi had to let him stay. Instead his black eyes, as black as those of ravens', searched out Itachi's in the darkness.

"Nii-san…"

_Brother._

"Can I sleep with you?"

The words came out rushed, as if Sasuke was embarrassed to be asking such a thing of his older brother. A smile twitched Itachi's lips.

"Why?"

"I…"

Sasuke looked down from where he sat on his knees. Itachi sat against the wall; his legs crossed on the bed, and watched his younger brother fidget.

"I had a bad dream," Sasuke muttered at least. "Can I?"

"Why don't you go sleep with our parents?" Itachi asked, and Sasuke looked away.

"Because… you won't get mad at me for being scared."

There was a long silence, and Sasuke started to fidget again.

"Nii-san?"

_Brother._

A small sigh blew past Itachi's lips. "Yes."

Sasuke instantly cuddled into his lap where he sat, but Itachi gently moved him and lay down himself. Before he could say anything, Sasuke had curled up at his chest.

"Thank you Nii-san…" he whispered, a contented smile on his face.

Brother.

Itachi gently draped an arm over his little brother's slim waist, and he squirmed a bit, then relaxed.

"How was your mission?"

The question was so far from what Itachi was thinking about that it took him a moment to focus.

"It was fine," he replied simply. Sasuke's skin, as pale as his own, almost seemed to glow in the moonlight filtering through the window, and Itachi couldn't help but trail a finger along his brother's spine. Again the younger one wriggled at first; uncomfortable at the touch, but then he relaxed. Itachi's finger's paused at Sasuke's neck, and he stared.

"What did you do?"

Itachi paused, and then his fingers moved on, trailing along Sasuke's jawbone, his lips his nose, his forehead, and then back down again.

"I had to retrieve a top-secret scroll for the Hokage," Itachi replied, as if it were nothing.

Sasuke looked up at his older brother in awe. He was onlythirteen and doing missions for the Hokage…

"What did it say?"

A smile twitched Itchai's lips, and he poked his brother's forehead.

"It's top-secret."

"You can tell me," Sasuke insisted. "I won't tell anybody, I promise!"

Itachi arched an eyebrow skeptically. "Promise?"

Sasuke's eye lit up at the prospect of actually being _told _a top-secret secret, and he nodded quickly. "Promise."

"Well in that case…" Itachi paused dramatically, "I don't know."

"What? Why not?" Sasuke demanded, indignant eyes meeting his brother's amused ones.

"Because the mission specifically required me to deliver the scroll unopened," Itachi explained, "and I couldn't very well do that if I had opened it now could I?"

"I guess not," Sasuke mumbled.

In the moment's silence that followed, Itachi trailed his fingers down Sasuke's throat and chest. The younger boy's skin was smooth and perfect, unmarred by the tiniest scar, and Itachi briefly wished his own was the same. So many missions, so many fights… He paused. So much blood.

"Nii-san?"

Brother.

"What is it?"

"Could…" Sasuke hesitated. "Tomorrow, could you… maybe teach me how to throw shurikien?"

Tomorrow… Tomorrow was an interesting concept. Tomorrow, anything could happen, and he could promise anything, because tomorrow wasn't now. He didn't have to fulfill the promise now, and when tomorrow came, he didn't have to fulfill them then either. Always tomorrow…

"I have another mission tomorrow," Itachi said, and Sasuke looked down, clearly disappointed.

"Oh…"

"Maybe another time."

"Really?" Sasuke brightened at the thought, and his eyes hopefully searched out his brothers.

"Of course." It was worth lying to him to see that smile on his face, that look of utter adoration.

Sasuke smiled and snuggled closer to Itachi. Itachi lay his arm across Sasuke's shoulders, and this time he didn't squirm.

"What are you doing on this one?" Sasuke asked curiously.

"I don't know yet," Itachi replied absently, his fingers twisting a few strands of Sasuke's hair between them. "I'll get the details tomorrow." Sasuke mad a small 'oh' of understanding. "It will take place in the Land of Waves," Itachi added, and Sasuke's mouth opened slightly in disbelief.

"_The Land of Waves?_" he echoed, wide eyes meeting his older brother's, which were characteristically blank. "But… but that's so _far!_"

A smile twitched Itachi's lips. "I know." It wasn't really.

"Nii-san…"

_Brother._

Itachi's fingers released Sasuke's hair and returned to Itachi's own side like disobedient dogs. They rested lightly on his bare skin, but somehow it wasn't the same.

"I don't like it when you go…"

Itachi was silent for a moment. "I know."

"It's lonely," Sasuke continued.

"I know."

Sasuke looked up at him. "How?"

A smile flickered across Itachi's face. "I just do."

Sasuke smiled, completely accepting the reason. If Itachi said he could do something, then he believed it. He was so good at going on missions that he had at least one every week, so why couldn't he know what was going on at home while he was away?

Itachi's hand snuck up again to play with the hair at Sasuke's neck, hair that was such a perfect contrast to his skin. Black and almost white, but both so silky smooth. Sasuke nestled still closer as Itachi drew his roving fingers down the younger one's chest, stomach, leg…

"Nii-san…"

Brother.

Itachi's hand traced his brother's leg, and he watched it, the way his long slender fingers caressed the pale skin, the way Sasuke squirmed at his touch, and he wondered for a moment at the warmth.

"I'll write you a letter," Sasuke suddenly decided.

Itachi paused. "Hm?"

"I'll write you a letter," Sasuke repeated. "So you'll know what happens at home when you're gone."

A smile, a true, rare smile, graced Itachi's lips for a spilt second. "Alright."

"I'll write you when you leave tomorrow," Sasuke promised, and Itachi shifted, his leg moving as if he meant to throw it over the younger boy. He seemed to think better of it though, instead drawing his fingers down his brother's side. His skin was as pale as the faint moonlight drifting in from the window, the moonlight that cast distant shadows across the room, and Sasuke blinked wide black eyes up at his brother.

"Nii-san?"

Brother.

"Yes?"

"Why are you a ninja?"

Itachi regarded Sasuke with guarded eyes. "Why would you want to know a thing like that?"

"I'm just curious. Because when people ask me why _I _want be a ninja, I don't know what to say."

A smile tugged at Itachi's lips. "And you're planning on taking my reason?"

Sasuke's eyes widened, then narrowed. "How did you know?" he asked, taken completely by surprise..

A smile twitched his lips, and he petted his little brother's head. "You have to find your own reason Sasuke, or you might end up like me."

"But that's what I want!" Sasuke cried, and Itachi's eyes narrowed. "I want to grow up to be just like you!"

_Then… _Itachi thought darkly_, Maybe that's your reason._

Itachi's fingers tapped a light rhythm on Sasuke's back, in time with the heartbeat he could feel through the ribcage.

But you don't want that…

0

And the moral of this story is... I lied. Which isn't exactly a moral, more of a fact. _However, _there _may _be a moral if you look underneath the underneath the underneath, but that's your choice. You would have to look rather deep however, and possibly find things that aren't there. Whatever.


	2. Starlight

Greetings.

Chances are some of you were led into believing this story was a one-shot. But it's not. For those of you that didn't figure it out, there was no moral to that last chapter, and nor will there be one for this one. However, if you would like to find one anyway, that is completely up to you.

This is a story.

Enjoy it.

Review it.

You need not learn anything if you don't want to. Be a fluff-brain.

0

Chapter Two: Starlight

It was quite late at night the next day when Sasuke began writing his letter. Deep shadows cast by the candle he used were distorted by the wind outside, but as long as he kept his eyes on the paper in front of him, he couldn't see them. Itachi wasn't home, so he couldn't go to him when he was scared.

Sasuke picked up a red crayon, and -his tongue sticking out in concentration- began carefully shaping the first letter.

About fifteen minutes later, he smiled happily and folded the paper up carefully, making sure each crease was perfectly straight. And if it wasn't he went back and did it again. He wanted it to be perfect. It was going to Itachi Nii-san after all, so it had to be. When each crease was as straight and perfect as he could make it, he slid off his chair and darted out of the room.

His mother put the address on the front earlier today so it could actually be read by the postman, (though Sasuke thought his writing was perfectly readable) and now he ran outside to put it in the mailbox, even though it was so late at night. Sasuke believed the postman appeared right after you put a letter in the mailbox to whisk it away, and didn't really know he came early in the morning. His father hadn't wanted Sasuke to send the letter, he said it would distract Itachi from his mission, but Sasuke's mother convinced him to allow its sending after about ten minutes of what she called debating. They used loud voices though, and Sasuke didn't like it, even if it let him send the letter.

Sasuke had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the mailbox, and he had a bit of difficulty opening it when he couldn't stand tall enough to open the slot. He made it at last by jumping, and raced back inside to hide from the swaying shadows and wind. The moon was hidden behind clouds tonight, and the world was lit only by starlight.

They seemed to follow him though, and even when he curled up under his blanket, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was waiting for him in the darkness. A mean scary monster. Or even the darkness itself, that would come forward to wrap cold grasping hands around him and drag him away. A strange scratching noise made him peek out of the blankets, but he saw nothing. Nothing but the same furniture, rug, and toys, except now they were all cloaked in shadows, which scared him. He huddled under his blankets for as long as he could, then pulled his blankets to Itachi's room at a dead run.

He climbed into the bed and dragged the blankets over him, burying his face in the pillow and curling into a ball. Instantly his fear began to fade, as if Itachi really _was_ there. His older brother's smell lingered on the sheets, and Sasuke breathed it in, drawing comfort from the familiar scent; the same one he always smelled when he came here on other nights.

Even though Itachi's warmth was gone, Sasuke was able to convince himself that his older brother was sitting against the wall as he sometimes did, though he missed the feel of his brother's fingers moving over his skin. He missed the comforting feeling his brother's touch brought even if it felt wrong at first, but Itachi's scent was enough to calm him.

Sasuke relaxed, ignoring the sounds of branches against glass windows as he breathed in Itachi's familiar smell, and his breathing deepened as he drifted off to sleep. The sheets and blankets curled around the boy as if protecting him in Itachi's place, clean and white from recent washing, and two crimson disks watched from a shelf like eyes.

Having Itachi's room was almost as good as having Itachi. But not quite.

"Nii-san…" Sasuke mumbled softly.

Brother.

0

Itachi was drenched in blood when he returned from his mission one team member short. It had been dangerous, and the one masked with a butterfly had died in the attempt.

The mission had been completed though. The scroll in Itachi's blood-streaked hand was evidence. They didn't have to worry about being followed since everyone at the building had been slain, and they were all glad of the slower pace they were able to travel at because of that. They were used to killing, and it didn't bother them as much as it should have.

Stars lit the way back barely adequately, and the man to Itachi's right stumbled on a rock. That showed how weary they were as well as anything. Half a day had been put into watching the building the scroll was in, mapping guards, defenses, and traps, then had come the actual going in. An hour after leaving camp they now returned, soaked to the bone in blood that wasn't all their enemies, and ready to go home.

There was a man waiting for them when they returned to camp..

Katana, shurikien, and kunai came out on sight, but the man stepped back, holding up empty palms to indicate he was unarmed.

"Don't!" he sounded truly afraid, but none of the ANBU squad lowered their weapons. Experience taught them never to trust someone who showed up out of nowhere.

"I-I have a letter," the man said, taking a white envelope from a bag at his side as proof. "For an Uchiha Itachi."

Itachi's blinked behind his weasel mask. He thought back, remembering if anyone was sending him a letter… Sasuke. A smile twitched his lips, and he lowered his katana.

"I take it you're expecting something?" the woman with the deer mask asked as the rest of the team followed Itachi's example and put away their weapons.

He nodded briefly, and the man handed him the letter and hurried off. One of Itachi's teammates snickered.

"That's what a katana will get you."

"Better that than getting us dead without one," another pointed out.

Itachi wasn't listening. His eyes scanned the envelope, and a smile twitched his lips briefly. Yes, it was from Sasuke, just as he'd promised. He opened it carefully and slid out a single sheet of paper, taking off his mask to read it properly. It looked as if it had been folded countless times in two places, and Itachi wondered briefly at this before realizing Sasuke must have wanted it to be perfect. He _was_ sending it to his Nii-san after all.

Itachi gently unfolded the paper and slowly read the five words printed there. Sasuke had apparently put quite a bit of work into writing this, though the lines were crooked and the e was oddly shaped. A smile twitched Itachi's lips.

I love you Nii-san

Sasuke

Very simple. Itachi reread it over and over for five minutes, then slowly folded it back up and put it back into the envelope it had come in, sliding it into his pocket. The scroll he had just retrieved remained in one blood-streaked hand.

"I love you too little brother…"

0

And the moral? Good! There isn't one. Yet. There shall be, never fear. And if you look deep enough, you'll find it. It's not a real moral, it's actually something along the lines of love your brother or he'll kill you. Except he won't. So it's your choice to love him or not. Unless of course you have no brother, then you can love him freely without worrying about being killed, unless imaginary friends really do exist.


	3. Shadow

Greetings.

Well, this chapter is rather short.

You know this.

Read it anyway.

Review it despite this.

For all those who have reviewed so far: My Utmost Appreciation.

0

Itachi returned home in the dead of night, when only a few candles burned and no one was awake. He'd washed the blood off when his team left the Land of Waves, but he still had the letterSasuke had sent. It sat in his pocket now, and he would put it somewhere later, to keep it safe. It was the only letter he'd ever gotten from Sasuke, and probably the only one he ever would.

"Things are going to change though, there's no use clinging to what used to be…" Itachi murmured to the darkness as he made his way toward the house.

The yard was dark, but stars and fireflies lit the ground at Itachi's feet in drifting specks. His hand closed around one that drifted by, and he held the insect gently in his fist as he walked. The firefly didn't try to escape, it merely settled on his fingers and waited, as if it couldn't care less that it had been caught.

Itachi entered the house silently, the moon and stars behind him spilling into the darkened entryway. The door closed with a soft click, and Itachi turned toward his room, a shadow among shadows in his dark clothing. The halls were silent, but Itachi knew his parents slept behind one of the closed doors he passed, though they didn't wake. He made sure he was absolutely silent, so even his father wouldn't hear.

He tossed his cloak on the bed as he entered his room, and slowly walked to his closet to put away his weapons. As he passed his mirror he happened to glance into it, and paused. His figure was cloaked in the shadows that swept across the floors, and his face was barely discernable. A sudden curiosity struck him, and his eyes blazed crimson through the darkness.

"Nii-san?"

Brother.

Itachi's eyes instantly faded to their natural black, and he turned. Sasuke was covered by the cloak he had thrown on his bed, and he gazed sleepily out at his older brother.

"What are you doing in my bed?" Itachi asked.

"I…" Sasuke began, and Itachi somehow got the feeling that whatever he was about to say next wasn't true. "I didn't want you to be lonely when you got home, so I was waiting for you."

No, it wasn't true. Even if he wanted it to be.

"You knew I would come home tonight?" Itachi asked as he slid off his katana, kunai, and shurikien holsters and dropped them on his dresser.

"Well, no…" Sasuke answered evasively, laying his head back down on Itachi's pillow. The cloak still lay over him, and Itachi left it there as he sat on his bed. "But I waited every night…"

Itachi was silent for a long moment, then his hand reached almost absently out stroke his younger brother's face. Sasuke blinked at him, then yawned widely and burrowed under the sheets, blankets, and Itachi's cloak to crawl into his lap, curling up like a cat.

"Are you lonely now Nii-san?"

_Brother._

Itachi paused, his fingers tracing Sasuke's lips. "No… Not anymore."

Sasuke smiled, happy he'd done something good for his brother. "Good, because I don't want you to be lonely…or sad…"

"I'm not sad," Itachi replied, staring at Sasuke's face as his fingers trailed along his arm.

His little brother was so innocent, so much the opposite of himself. Sasuke believed his older brother could do no wrong, that he was perfect, untouchable. Itachi saw it in his eyes when he looked at him. But how far from the truth he was…

A lie is not the truth after all, even when everyone believes it to be.

"Are you happy?"

Itachi blinked. "No…"

"Oh…" Sasuke said softly. "Why not?"

"Many reasons," Itachi replied quietly.

"Are you not happy because of me?" Sasuke asked slowly, and Itachi glanced down at him

"No, not because of you."

Sasuke shifted, glad he wasn't the cause of his brother's unhappiness. He wanted to make him happy though… "Can I help?"

"No…"

He could see his reflection in the mirror, and it stared back at him with crimson eyes for a moment… crimson the color of blood. Then they were black, and he couldn't see them at all amidst the darkness.

There was silence for the next few minutes, and Sasuke began to drift off to sleep again. His eyes were closed, and he was using Itachi's thigh as a pillow, comforted by the familiar warmth. When he opened his eye briefly he saw that Itachi was staring at the mirror, but his face was as unreadable as ever.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, curious.

Itachi blinked. "Lots of things," he replied vaguely. Sasuke watched him for a few more minutes, but he didn't elaborate. His hands trailed along Sasuke's body, caressing his skin and playing with his hair, and Sasuke sighed gently. Snuggling against his older brother, he was nearly asleep when Itachi spoke.

"Have you found a reason why you want to be a ninja yet?"

Sasuke shook his head sleepily. "No…"

There was silence again for a few moments, and a firefly drifted outside the window, a spot of light in the darkness that enveloped the room. Itachi watched it flicker out, then reappear a few moments later.

"No?" he said, more to himself than Sasuke, who was more asleep than awake.

He fingered the letter in his pocket, his eyes unreadable.

I love you Nii-san…

"Don't worry… you will."

Sasuke, who was curled up in his nest of warmth and not paying attention, didn't hear. Itachi glanced down at him, then slowly opened his fist. The firefly he'd captured earlier still rested in his palm, but now it cleaned its wings with its legs and drifted into the air, seemingly without much movement on its part, as if the air was carrying it. The light on its tail flickered on, and Itachi watched as it made its way slowly across the room.

"Look Nii-san…" Sasuke said sleepily.

_Brother._

"A firefly…"

_Unhappy with what it sees…_

0

Anybody catch the hidden meaning? I did, but then of course I caught it because I wrote it. Meaning I... wrote it, not caught it. Whatever.


	4. Sunlight

Greetings.

Well, this is the last chapter everyone, just thought I'd let you know. I rather liked writing it, even though it only took mea few weeks to do so. I sincerly hope you all like this last chapter, I know I love the ending, but I'm a bit afraid the time-skipping stuff is too much, like I'm rushing it. I don't know, tell me what you think, okay?

By the way, this is my one and only review-answering session. So, be honored.

Streetwise Girl: Yay! Thanks so much!

Redcloudangel: Yes, mood... and also, you're never going to know the hidden meaning! Yay! Well, actually, I'll give you a hint and you can figure it out yourself, how does that sound? _Unhappy with what it sees... _That line, and also the mirror bits. _DIG! _Also, the titles have meaning behind them too since you mentioned that in your review, try to figure it out. Use your _brain_ my friend... Giggle...

Arashisama: And in honor of your mistake-pointing-out, I have gone back and fixed that. Itachi is now thirteen. Thanks ever so much!

ANIMEFREAKXXX: Thanks! Love you!

Mr Dirk: I am honored.

Skogstroll: Hehehe... then I suppose it's a good thing you didn't get the hidden meaning...

This is a story.

Love it.

Embrace it.

Review it.

This is after Itachi slaughtered the entire Uchiha clan… with the exception of Sasuke.

0

Chapter Four: Sunlight

Itachi was visiting Konoha. He waited outside the city for Kisame, who had gone in on his own, and sat on the ground to stare out at the buildings.

He had heard a few stories about Sasuke over the past few years, ever since he'd left Konoha, mostly about how he had sworn to kill his older brother. Itachi. Just the day before Itachi had watched him practice, and he had to admit, his younger brother had gotten stronger. But still not strong enough. Not as strong as he would have tobe.

He sat on a cliff overlooking the city, opposite the carved faces of past Hokages, and he could see everything. He could see the school he'd attended, just as Sasuke did after him. He could see the Hokage's office where he had received so many missions… but he couldn't find his old home. Perhaps it was hidden among all the other buildings, or maybe it was because he didn't want to see it. Sasuke still lived there however, Itachi knew because he had followed him home the day before. Why, he didn't entirely know.

He sat in silence, the breeze tossing his hair playfully, and he reached up every so often to brush it out of his face. After awhile he heard distant footsteps coming up toward the cliff, and he waited.

Itachi knew he was there before he saw him. His younger brother had never been completely silent when he came to Itachi's room years ago, even when he was trying to be, and nothing had changed, even when Sasuke wanted to kill him instead of ask if he could sleep with him. To chase away the nightmares and the shadows.

He didn't move.

It would have been so easy to get up and kill him, but whether it was because he simply didn't feel like moving, or some deeper reason, he didn't. He didn't hear Sasuke for a few moments, then the cold steel of a kunai was pressed to either side of his neck.

"You've gotten better," Itachi acknowledged. Sasuke was right behind him.

"I guess I have, to be able to sneak up on _you_."

"Hm…" Itachi closed his eyes as he spoke. He seemed completely at ease despite the kunai pressing into his skin, and Sasuke pressed them in harder, angered by Itachi's total lack of response.

"You're completely at my mercy," Sasuke informed him harshly. "Aren't you going to beg for your life?"

A smile twitched Itachi's lips. Oh Sasuke… "Foolish little brother, you don't quite understand."

Blood-red eyes blinked.

"You may have a kunai to my throat, but that doesn't mean you've beaten me by any means. I heard you coming, it would have been all too easy to avoid…" he paused slightly, "or kill you."

"So why didn't you?" Sasuke demanded. "If it was so _easy, _why didn't you kill me?"

Itachi was silent for a long moment.

"Well?" Glaring crimson eyes bore into the back of Itachi's head.

"That's for me to know," Itachi said at last, and he could practically feel Sasuke's anger, his frustration.

Sasuke didn't reply, and there was silence. After a few moments however, his eyes happened to alight on the corner of a folded paper sticking out of Itachi's pocket.

"What's that?" Sasuke asked. Itachi didn't respond, though his eyes opened to reveal themselves coal black.

Sasuke snagged it with one hand, keeping the other kunai at Itachi's neck, just in case. He wouldn't put it past his older brother to whip out his katana and kill him right there.

The paper looked quite old, and the writing on it was faded, as it was done in crayon. The scrawled script of a child. Sasuke stared at the paper for well over a minute, and at last the kunai dropped from Itachi's neck. His eyes faded from blood-red to night-black as he read, reread, and read again, as if not quite believing what he was reading.

"Why did you keep this?" he asked quietly. He remembered. Itachi stood slowly, and the action caused Sasuke to grip his kunai tighter, but Itachi made no move to attack him. He didn't answer.

"Explain," Sasuke ordered, tossing the folded paper at his brother. It fluttered to the ground a few inches before Itachi's feet, and beneath one folded piece, he read the crayoned words written in scrawled child's script.

I love you Nii-san

Sasuke

He was silent for a long moment, fully aware of Sasuke's eyes boring into him.

"Why did you keep it?" Sasuke asked, and beneath the cold demanding, the burning hatred that Itachi himself had cultivated, he heard a note of sadness. Carefully concealed yes, but it was there. "You told me... there's no use holding on when things change. No point in chasing shadows of things that can never be. So why did you keep it?"

Itachi knelt and picked it up, folding it carefully and returning it to his pocket.

"Because some things, my foolish little brother, are worth holding on to…"

Sasuke let him walk away without a word.

0

The End.

Because without that, you wouldn't know it _was _the end. : ) The endings of pretty much all my chapters have been rather ambiguous, so now, I bequenth to you, my dear beloved reader, the information that this is in fact, the end. Farewell and Review!


End file.
